Mummy Flu and other common ailments that no one cares about!

For Mums suffering with this rare and largely misunderstood illness, Mum flu is not yet acknowledged as a genuine illness.  As an un-identified illness in the medical realms it could be said that in fact it doesn’t exist.  For women suffering suspected symptoms, unfortunately it’s just another day to get on with life flu or no flu. Unlike of course the deadly disease man flu where the world has to come to a stand still.  Any man suffering man flu is absolved of all responsibility and must lie down and be waited on hand and foot.  Serious complications can arise if said man flu is not treated effectively.

Sadly, women suffer many other un-diagnosed ailments and in order to raise awareness of the difficulties that women face, I have put together this handy guide.  If you think that you are suffering any of these symptoms, no one will care, so please feel sorry for yourself, moan and snipe at your other half.

Common illnesses women suffer

Mummy Flu – Not yet recognised as an illness. Symptoms appear similar to the disease man flu but with the ability to continue day to day life without dying.

Maninginitis – A feeling of almost being able to cope whilst simultaneously wanting to cry, give up, celebrate and run away.

Inmomnia – Symptoms include always knowing where things are, being to blame if Dad forgets something, always being the one to hear the baby and generally doing everything and not being able to sleep even when exhausted.

Dadpression – Mums are often more prone to this when Dad is around. Symptoms include eye rolling, sighing, huffing, tutting and general nagging.

Manxiety – General anxiety linked to Man related stress i.e.underpants on the floor, bottles not cleaned, washing up left in the sink and general annoyances caused by the opposite sex.

Piles – Bulging and painful…  yes the piles of washing and ironing will make you wince in pain.

Paggressiveness – Passive aggressive behaviour, often using the baby as means of slagging off Daddy in the nicest possible way, “Isn’t Daddy a kn*bhead…” (in your best cutesy baby voice)

Marcolepsy – The urgent need for Ma to fall asleep at any moment.  Sufferers can continue to bottle feed, cook and clean whilst in a state of Marcolepsy.  Please do not operate machinery or drive when suffering.

The A-Z of Mummy Illnesses

These days there are so many acronyms for all kinds of illnesses and ailments that it is difficult to keep track of them.  So here is my easy guide.

ADHD Adding (prescription) drugs helps desperation

BBS Baby Brain Syndrome

BV Becoming volatile

CAD Consuming Alcohol Daily

DS Desperation Syndrome

EDS Excessive Daytime Sleepiness

FAS Friends & Alcohol Saviours

GWD General Weariness Disease

HPV Help Projectile Vomit

IBS Irritable Baby Syndrome

JHD Juvenile Headache Disorder

KS Keep Smiling

LFA Looking Forward to Alcohol

MMR Mums Managing Reflux

NAS Not Asleep Syndrome

OCD Obsessive crying disease

PMT Paranoid Mother Tension

PMS Postnatal Mood Swings

PND Passive Nastiness to Dads

QF Quiet Favoured

RLS Restless Living & Sleep

SARS Severe Avoidance of Rest and Sleep

STD Sexually Tormenting Dads

TS Tension Syndrome

UTI Unexplained Temper Inflammations 

VD Vagueness Disease

WS Wants Sleep

XLSA Ex Life Sadly Absent

YSS Young Self Sacrificed

ZN Zzzz needed

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