For Mums suffering with this rare and largely misunderstood illness, Mum flu is not yet acknowledged as a genuine illness. As an un-identified illness in the medical realms it could be said that in fact it doesn’t exist. For women suffering suspected symptoms, unfortunately it’s just another day to get on with life flu or no flu. Unlike of course the deadly disease man flu where the world has to come to a stand still. Any man suffering man flu is absolved of all responsibility and must lie down and be waited on hand and foot. Serious complications can arise if said man flu is not treated effectively.
Sadly, women suffer many other un-diagnosed ailments and in order to raise awareness of the difficulties that women face, I have put together this handy guide. If you think that you are suffering any of these symptoms, no one will care, so please feel sorry for yourself, moan and snipe at your other half.
Common illnesses women suffer
Mummy Flu – Not yet recognised as an illness. Symptoms appear similar to the disease man flu but with the ability to continue day to day life without dying.
Maninginitis – A feeling of almost being able to cope whilst simultaneously wanting to cry, give up, celebrate and run away.
Inmomnia – Symptoms include always knowing where things are, being to blame if Dad forgets something, always being the one to hear the baby and generally doing everything and not being able to sleep even when exhausted.
Dadpression – Mums are often more prone to this when Dad is around. Symptoms include eye rolling, sighing, huffing, tutting and general nagging.
Manxiety – General anxiety linked to Man related stress i.e.underpants on the floor, bottles not cleaned, washing up left in the sink and general annoyances caused by the opposite sex.
Piles – Bulging and painful… yes the piles of washing and ironing will make you wince in pain.
Paggressiveness – Passive aggressive behaviour, often using the baby as means of slagging off Daddy in the nicest possible way, “Isn’t Daddy a kn*bhead…” (in your best cutesy baby voice)
Marcolepsy – The urgent need for Ma to fall asleep at any moment. Sufferers can continue to bottle feed, cook and clean whilst in a state of Marcolepsy. Please do not operate machinery or drive when suffering.
The A-Z of Mummy Illnesses
These days there are so many acronyms for all kinds of illnesses and ailments that it is difficult to keep track of them. So here is my easy guide.
ADHD Adding (prescription) drugs helps desperation
BBS Baby Brain Syndrome
BV Becoming volatile
CAD Consuming Alcohol Daily
DS Desperation Syndrome
EDS Excessive Daytime Sleepiness
FAS Friends & Alcohol Saviours
GWD General Weariness Disease
HPV Help Projectile Vomit
IBS Irritable Baby Syndrome
JHD Juvenile Headache Disorder
KS Keep Smiling
LFA Looking Forward to Alcohol
MMR Mums Managing Reflux
NAS Not Asleep Syndrome
OCD Obsessive crying disease
PMT Paranoid Mother Tension
PMS Postnatal Mood Swings
PND Passive Nastiness to Dads
QF Quiet Favoured
RLS Restless Living & Sleep
SARS Severe Avoidance of Rest and Sleep
STD Sexually Tormenting Dads
TS Tension Syndrome
UTI Unexplained Temper Inflammations
VD Vagueness Disease
WS Wants Sleep
XLSA Ex Life Sadly Absent
YSS Young Self Sacrificed
ZN Zzzz needed
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