Are you a Mum suffering an illness? Does anyone care? Probably not!
For Mums suffering with this rare and largely misunderstood illness, Mum flu is not yet acknowledged as a genuine illness. As an un-identified illness in the medical realms it could be said that in fact it doesn’t exist. For women suffering suspected symptoms, unfortunately it’s just another day to get on with life flu or no flu. Unlike of course the deadly disease man flu where the world has to come to a stand still. Any man suffering man flu is absolved of all responsibility and must lie down and be waited on hand and foot. Serious complications can arise if said man flu is not treated effectively.
Sadly, women suffer many other un-diagnosed ailments and in order to raise awareness of the difficulties that women face, I have put together this handy guide. If you think that you are suffering any of these symptoms, no one will care, so please feel sorry for yourself, moan and snipe at your other half.
- Mummy Flu – Not yet recognised as an illness. Symptoms appear similar to the disease man flu but with the ability to continue day to day life without dying.
- Maninginitis – A feeling of almost being able to cope whilst simultaneously wanting to cry, give up, celebrate and run away. Symptoms include always knowing where things are, being to blame if Dad forgets something, always being the one to hear the baby and generally doing everything.
- Inmomnia – The ability to not being able to sleep even when exhausted. To plan, come up with ideas and make lists in your sleep. Usually accompanied by the soundtrack of Daddy’s snores.
- Dadpression & Manxiety– Mums are often more prone to this when Dad is around. Symptoms include eye rolling, sighing, huffing, tutting and general nagging linked to Man related stress i.e.underpants on the floor, bottles not cleaned, washing up left in the sink and general annoyances caused by the opposite sex.
- Piles – Bulging and painful… yes the piles of washing and ironing will make you wince in pain.
- OCD – Obsessive crying disease OCD is recognised as an illness that affects both mothers and babies. It starts from the moment of conception until the baby is at least aged 18. Crying can be happy, sad, nostalgic, over dramatic, attention seeking, pained and desperate… sometimes all at the same time.
- Paggressiveness – Passive aggressive behaviour, often using the baby as means of slagging off Daddy in the nicest possible way, “Isn’t Daddy a kn*bhead…” (in your best cutesy baby voice)
- Marcolepsy – The urgent need for Ma to fall asleep at any moment. Sufferers can continue to feed, change nappies, cook and clean whilst in a state of Marcolepsy. *Please do not drive or operate heavy machinery. **Do not consume alcohol when suffering Marcolepsy.
- IBS – Irritable Baby Syndrome IBS is known to cause a lot of pain to mums. Symptoms include talking to yourself, swearing and screaming. Relief can be found from regular use of earplugs, lying in a darkened room and intravenous drip of wine!
- PMS – Postnatal Mood Swings After birth all mums gain a free pass to the PMS club. Dads have no clue about this club and little understanding as to why you attend. Suffice to say, despite not enjoying it one bit you will continue to visit the PMS club at least once a month.
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